The White Goddess

I woke up with Delhi December chill
With the golden sun shining on my chest
With my mind mended
And no thought of you or them
Just the white goddess residing where my spirit is
With my heart made straight like her Veena
And She is
Pulling on them heart strings
To play out the softest symphony
Arising out of our union
Sweeter than anything I’d ever put my lips on
I want to be as aloof as you
I want to be as white as you
I want to be as much in control as you are
A Queen of speeches so to say
Existing solely on the Earth
To understand the Earthlings
And their very many acts
Aloof but never alone
Happy in myself and my soul
As a child, my flesh and I, sensitive to the chaos around me
So much darkness that became a part of me
But I don’t want it
I won’t be controlled by my human gifts
That is my decision.
I won’t ever be moved by others
That is my resolution.
I want the light and only the light
In a world of ravens, I’d only want to be a Hamsa
Mata, ever since I found you
The war in my mind agreed on armistice
Now that I know you
I only want to know you
No swinging anyway
No quarrels
No fight
No flight
No fawns
Only you
And I
In sweet eternal union
Evermore.

I think I get life now
Some days I am cheery
Others weary and teary
Some days I am happy
Others I am not
Some days I struggle
Just to go back
To that place
Where the flames fully engulfed me
And I found that will to live
The will to save that life
I didn’t know I had
And some days are just that
Some days I just am
Sitting with my demons that I tamed
With a box of my happiness fully contained
And I am looking at the night starry sky
With infinite possibilities grasped under my feet
And I am hoping and wondering
About what is and what will be
A hundred million scenarios rushing through my mind
With a single golden thread passing through them all
The Thread of Life
The Thread of Hope
The Thread of Love.

When it is dark all around
The stars and the moon are out
A million thoughts run amok
And it is time to feel the old faces that are long gone,
The faded scent of my grandfather in his blue-winged uniform
And my grandmother’s shining eyes
My being feels at peace
As the world sleeps, I am not woke but awake
In the graveyard of serotonin
Quietly sitting and atoning
The sin of the illuminating blue
As the sweet lumber of sleep snatches them away,
I am awake,
Left alone, to atone and to tame and restraint the monsters that exist only in my mind
That I made acquaintance with the shapeshifters in the dark
The ghoul, in agony, on the balcony
The bat preaching with his screeching
All unknown to others are known only to me
Our little secret, too heavy to keep
Or a personal prison as per my kin
Forever caged
And sleep
Too far a dream, I dare not be keen.